I have been spending all morning watching YouTube, sipping my coffee and hanging out with my family. For some reason I have come back to Shane and Jeffree's series. They were both cancelled some time ago, but I still find myself coming back to their series every now and then.
It has stuck with me, and I think it is because I watched it during what has come to be a special time in my life. It was during my last years of living at home. My friend group looked a little differently, I was still single, and I would stay up really late every day playing video games until sunrise. My life couldn't be more different now.
One thing that hasn't changed is that the video series still gives me so much hope. I cannot fully explain why, and just thinking about it I feel my whole body cringing. All the reactions in the series are so fake, the humour doesn't really do it for me anymore, and knowing the drama to come it's hard to watch it the same way.
But at the same time it fuels my dream of one day making enough money to take care of my family and loved ones. Every time I visit my parents I feel guilt that they have to work as much as they do. All my life they have worked with the hope that behind their current "bump" it would all be smooth riding. But it never is. And so it's always work, work, work.
So when I see that Jeffree could turn around his life in the timeframe that he has, and that he's able to support his mom, I feel nothing but inspired. And knowing how hard my own parents work, I feel like I have what it takes to put in the work.
But still I haven't. I want to change that somehow, but I am not fully sure how. For now I am trying things until I find something that sticks.